Are you struggling to change?
Have you ever told yourself, “I’m going to start eating healthy tomorrow!”?
Then, tomorrow comes and you’re like, “Hmm, maybe I’ll start next week.”
If so, congratulations: You’re normal.
This feeling of “I want to change but also don’t want to change” is called ambivalence.
On the one hand, you might really want to change and become a healthier, stronger version of yourself.
On the other hand, that sounds like a lot of work. Your current way of doing things is so comforting and familiar.
The trouble is, while ambivalence is normal and expected, people can also get stuck: As you (sometimes unconsciously) weigh the pros and cons of change, you don’t actually take action.
If you find yourself at such an impasse, I suggest asking yourself the following questions:
1. What’s GOOD about NOT CHANGING?
2. What’s BAD about CHANGING?
The answers to these questions are revealing.
All behaviours—no matter how “self-sabotaging” they may seem—serve a purpose.
Your answers to these questions will tell you WHY you feel resistant to change.
You also discover what purpose a current behaviour is serving, and what you might lose if you give that behaviour up.
For example, maybe you want to stop snacking at night, but it also helps you calm down, or avoid thinking about a stressful relationship.
Maybe restricting calories is starting to cause health problems, but it also gives you a sense of control when life feels too chaotic.
No wonder you feel such a push-and-pull.
The good news: Once you know how your current behaviours serve you, you can come up with replacement behaviours that support you in the way you need to be supported—without sacrificing your larger goals.
So spend some time with the two questions above.
They might just lead to a breakthrough!
